so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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