i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
