he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
