kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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