Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
