That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
