Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
