My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
