I think my fart just growled at me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
