i jhust puked up my retainher.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
