Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
