i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
