you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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