dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When did we convert life to cartoon?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
