and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize