just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
