swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
