So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
