I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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