this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
