I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
