Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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