There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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