barbara walters just said penis...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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