it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize