No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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