is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
