Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
