You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
