Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize