Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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