it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
