Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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