my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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