I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
