why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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