I think my fart just growled at me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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