Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize