i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
