So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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