I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
