Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
