I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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