We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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