at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
