he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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