We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
