Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
