apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize