Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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