watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
