my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
