yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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