have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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