I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
