420 ftw
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
