dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
