the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
