I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
