great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
