i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize