Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
