I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think my moral compass just broke
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