She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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