This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
