The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize