i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
