just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
