The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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