You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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