i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
