How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
