at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
