apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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