So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize