I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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