Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
