I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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