The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
