Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
