dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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