Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
