The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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