i barfeds in our rink
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
