u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
