Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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