he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
