There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
