Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
