i think my tv is drunk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
