who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
