Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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