The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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