just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
