HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
