I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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