i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize