we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
