She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
