If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
