I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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