Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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