I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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