he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my being single is dangerous.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
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