Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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