Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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