u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dignity is for republicans.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
