What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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