But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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