I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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