Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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