Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize