He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
