He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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