he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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