I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
