he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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