Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
