good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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